Thursday, April 17, 2008

Joining the ranks of the four eyed freaks.


Various members of my family have been harping on me for years to go to the eye doctor. Not because I was driving my car off the road or running into things but because "it's something you're supposed to do". Of course I'm a young red blooded American male (with blue leaning politics) so I often refuse to do things just because "it's something I'm supposed to do". Sometime in January my wallet and drivers license got stolen and I needed to go to the DMV to get a new one. After waiting in line for two hours I was finally allowed to approach the clerk. I filled out my paperwork, wrote my check and she asked me to look into the box to take the vision test. No sweat right? Wrong! I peered deeply into the magic vision box and saw a bunch of blurry blobs. I tried closing one eye to see if it made things better but they have a magic trick that makes everything go even blurrier if you only use eye. I panicked but took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself and thought quickly. I knew I needed to pass this thing or I was going to have to come back later and wait in that evil line again. I decided to make an educated guess about what letters the blurry blobs were and to talk quickly with my patented mumble to try to BS my way through the test. It worked! The clerk who probably made $8 an hour to deal with pissed off drunks begging for their license back didn't even pay attention to what I said and passed me. At that moment I decided maybe I did need to see an eye doctor. Fast Forward to April. I'm sitting at my desk at work staring at my PC and my right eyelid begins twitching uncontrollably. No matter what I do it wont stop for days. OK, now I really need to call the eye doctor. I can BS my way through a vision test but I can't deal with this twitching 24/7. To shorten an already too long story, I saw the Optometrist and sure enough I have an astigmatism in my right eye and need glasses. So if you see a really tall guy riding down the trail in Rec Specs take pity. Please don't laugh and make Jr high jokes about the geek on a bike and ask me where my jersey pocket protector is. Just smile and wave.

5 comments:

Mother Theresa said...

contacts my friend, contacts!

Andy H. said...

There are only two things in this world I am scared of and contacts are one of them.

Mother Theresa said...

that's some funny stuff! How do I get on gooseberry mesa??

Andy H. said...

Getting there from utahmountainbiking.com: As you pass through Hurricane heading east on Highway 9, turn right at the Highway 59 sign. One block later, turn left and drive out of town. About 15 minutes later, you'll pass a gas station on the left-hand side, then some fields. Watch for a "Scenic Byway" sign, and turn left onto a dirt road (14.8 miles from the turnoff in Hurricane). Two miles laterthe Gooseberry Mesa road turns off on your left kinda through a fence and over a cattle grate. Another 3.6 miles after the turnoff, take the left fork (at the outhouse). Now stay on the bigger road, ignoring any forks. 1.1 miles later, you'll cross a cattle guard. Park there. The South Rim trail begins along the fence on the left side of the road. Trailhead GPS: N 37° 08.491' W 113° 10.299'

Andy H. said...

Oh, and knowing you, you will bleed on that trail so be prepared. Rhonda has some light armor you can borrow if you want. You should also do Goulds rim, JEM, Hurrican Rim loop while you're down there. More XC than G-berry but still has lots of desert technical. http://www.utahmountainbiking.com/trails/gould.htm